Hurlers Match report 2020

Once upon a time in the West Midlands (my apologies for the over use of Western movie metaphors and references in advance). Note - All attendees/absentees have been given famous actor avatars (So very 21st century!) 

'Give me the youth and I will give you back the adult Hurler' – Pope Paul XXIII (1922)

Attendees

 

• Hibbo – Brad Dexter – a straight guy with no angles (and “a surprising aftertaste”, according to the CAMRA guide
• Gibbo –Robert Vaughan – HMG Health Warning – “No woman over 40 is safe in this man’s company” (the Warren Beatty of the “odd socked ensemble”)
• Leo – Steve McQueen – the “King of Cool” or the “Cooler King” - take your pick 
• Keenan - James Coburn – the “Duke of Cool” or the “Camper King” – “In like Flint”
• Darce – Charles Bronson - (plays an Irishman in the “Magnificent Seven” film– FFS) 
• Tim – Horst Buchholz –fittest Hurler & our “Eddy Merckx” – a 2-wheeled whirlwind

Notable Absences (and their avatars)

 

• Cowlers – John Wayne (“is big leggy?!”) – the much missed “Boswell” of the Hurlers
• Priesty – Yul Brynner – our Captain/Skipper – much missed – love and best wishes to you and  your tribe, Skipper!
• Conrad –‘Enry Fonda –he wears his Syrup well & is Pritti’s “dark Irishman” – enuff said
• Pedz Morrell - Randolph Scott – integrity personified – the Man, the Legend, the Hurler!
• Ben Dan Morrell– Ben Foster (obvs) – Wild Card/Wild Guy and our Axe man
• Gibson brothers (Jack & Michael) – the Casey & Ben Affleck of the Hurlers – lock up your daughters, your X boxes (and your booze!)
• The Eyles Brothers – Joe, Robbie and Alex – three great young men – polite, intelligent and gifted and so most of us ask – but then how can they be hurlers? They’re polite, intelligent and gifted, etc…. The simple answer is their “pater familias” (or their dad, Leo, for the non-latin readers amongst you). As they say, “The apple does not fall that far from the tree” and Les has managed to get the cream of the crop by being a great parent, along with mum, Jane. 
• Katy Priest – Katy Perry – clever, kind and radiant (again, obvs)
• Dylan Priest – Colin Farrell (yet again, obvs) – the people’s poet & “speaker of truth to power” (well, to his dad anyway…) 
• Tom Priest – Arnie Hamner – the “young pretender” to Gibbo’s Crown as the Hurler’s Lothario/Love Machine
• Mez – Russell Crowe – again obvs – as he’s both a sex god and Aussie gladiator- “Strewth!” 
• Peter Mullins (James Joyce) – the Claud Raines of the Hurlers (the original “Invisible man”) not seen since his initiation at 8.04pm on 7/11/82 (Mandela Bar), now believed to be living in Ireland for Tax and Love purposes and writing his third novel: “My life-long battle with Ring Pull Beer Cans – a comic opera in three parts”.
• Wheeldon (Roy Rogers) – the singing cowboy (& Hurler) - the Lenny Cohen of the Hurlers was also sorely missed – “I was born like this, I had no choice, I was born with the gift of a golden voice…” But, at least his heart rending, if not heart breaking, version of “Working on the railway” is immortalised forever in the cyber world – see Cowlers’ Goat Hurlers blog for the link – take care our cherished senior Hurler and our best wishes to you and your clan. 

 

In the absence of our esteemed scribe (Cowlers – the “Oscar Wilde” of the odd-socked Wild Bunch) and with no “father” of the Hurlers (Pedz (but, I call him “dad”) Morrell) and no Skipper (Priesty), yours truly is writing this match report, yes – its Gerard (“no space bar”) Darcy. 

It was a subdued and tired bunch of five that rocked up to “Hibbofest” (the alternative Hook Norton festival) and without our much missed Captain, Steve Priest, the Yul Brynner to our “Magnificent Seven” (or “Six”, as per the government guidelines). It went without saying (though, I will say it) that the well-worn and time-honoured traditions of “Hookey” were observed in their absence;

The coffee morning at the Church, the Pear Tree pub running out of Beer, mushy pea fritters, Katy Hibbit defending her “Aunt Sally Junior World Champion” (official ASWF affiliated) status, the sing song at the Pear Tree followed by Gibbo fending off the local Cougars at about “closing time”. Alas, also no “Jude/June“and no “parrot lady” and all sorely missed but not forgotten.

Some say that the Hurlers are becoming like “The Wild Bunch” (Peckinpah (1969) - a bunch of grumpy old men out of place in the modern era of Sexting, Snapchat and “Tik Tok” and as a group has now resorted to simply “kicking against the pricks”, in Beckett’s cynical phraseology. So, the possibly tag line for this year was: “Out of time, out of ammo and out of those uncomfortably tight ‘80s sports shorts. (They just don’t fit anymore, like so many other things).” Essentially, they, or rather we, could also be seen as “Cultural Luddites” in an era of “#MeToo”, “Strictly...”, etc., holding out against a Tsunami of political correctness, low cal energy health drinks, Pelloton, “Bake Off” and “wokeness”. But, we see ourselves rightly as upholding a long and cherished British tradition of anti-fascist “bladdering” and talking (non-sponsored/uncensored) bollocks and long may it continue. 

“They’ll always be a Hurler, as where ever odd socks are worn, pints are drunk and tall tales recounted, there will always be Hurler will be standing guard, if only in spirit …”

Luckily, there’s a new generation of Hurlers coming through to brave both the barbs and the brickbats and carry on the noble (and ignoble) Hurler traditions:

Such young acolytes, stalwarts and devotees as Ben Morrell (the Hurlers’ “Hendrix”), the Gibson Brothers (Jack and Michael, altogether now -“Cuba…you dance to the music like nobody does…” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZKOjuh-cTs), Katy Priest (the Hurlers’ very own still quiet voice of sanity in the drink-filled nights of madness) and Dylan Priest (the Keith Moon of the Hurlers – “People try to put us down…why don’t you all, just fade away…”). Tom Priest, the quiet man of the tribe, but quick witted with a pithy put-down and even quicker at sinking his pint – good man.

 

Others will no doubt in time join this gallant band of brothers and sisters – “we, lucky few…” Anyway, more power to your drinking elbows - “…may the road rise up to meet you and the sun be always at your back….” Not forgetting Katy Hibbitt, our youngest and newest Hurler - the voice of youth and reason. She will be soon off to University in the next few years taking her Aunt Sally trophies and her newly minted Hurlers T-shirt with her. Her obvious University choices via UCAS are Warwick, Warwick and yes – Manchester.

 

It was said that “If a man is tired of the Hurlers, he is tired of life”. Actually, it was Samuel Johnson writing about London, but if the t-shirt fits…. 

 

We rode up to Hibbo’s ranch (well, we all drove) and so were very much in need of refreshment, food and good companionship and were well pleased with our host and his lovely home and his gracious hospitality. Basically, we had a great time. Some serious chat mixed with high jinks – see assorted photos on What’s App. Gibbo regaled us about his time in Chicago (the City not the Musical) on “procurement business”. Gibbo has now assumed the mantle of the ultimate lovrve Hurler and prime Cougar bait – “Women want to be with him and men want to be him!” (I just want him to buy me a pint, to be frank! – GD) He’s a lucky old Hurler and no mistake, which he graciously concedes.

 

With Leo then, at length, lamenting BHA’s prospects in the coming Footie year in the “Scouse/Manc Football League” or “the Premiership”, as some would more optimistically call it and playing his Joni Mitchell collection bringing a suitable mature introspection to the late night discussions. Leo also helpfully shared the on-going car crash that is West Ham’s season (2-1 to the Gooners).

 

The Keenans were delightful and generous companions and vocal contributors to our “putting the world to rights” late night discussion – all held in good spirits (70% proof) and Paula and Rachel kindly putting up with my PC ramblings. Tim told us about his quite varied year, his travels for work before Covid turned up to spoil the party as it were, his family and his dog Bramble and his run of bad luck on the International Backgammon circuit – “You roll the dice and you take your luck…”, as our world weary philosopher and playboy succinctly puts it. Tim also brought the best sausages to general approval and acclaim (except Hibbo, who was jealous, as Tim had produced a better sausage).

Pre-drinking ensemble, before the mayhem started and things snowballed…

 

 

The Beers

(Table devised by Katy Hibbitt – newly crowned “Queen of the Hurlers”)

Name	Brewery	ABV	Tasting notes
Hobgoblin	Wychwood	4.5%	Brewed with smooth, rich chocolate & crystal malts and a blend of fuggles & styrian golding hops. Expect a delicious, full-bodied toffee flavour and a fruity finish of figs, raisins and dates.
Mad Goose	Purity	4.2%	A zesty pale ale with a smooth and citrusy finish. Brewed with English Maris Otter, Caragold and Wheat malts, with Pilgrim bittering hops and Cascade and Willamette aroma hops with an IBU 48.
Cheltenham Gold	Goffs	4.5%	American Hopped Golden Ale - Winner Beer of the Year by CAMRA 2017. A smooth APA with bold tropical fruit aromas. Not just for the races!
Sussex Best	Harvey’s	4%	Hugely popular flagship bitter with a distinctive hoppy finish. Finest Maris Otter malted barley is supplemented with a dash of Crystal malt for balance. The hops used are a blend of four different local varieties.
Black Fox Porter	Red Fox	4.8%	This is the Red Fox beer that has won the most awards (so far!), including Champion Winter Porter of Great Britain in 2016. A rich black beer, very malty with smooth chocolate notes and hints of liquorice. Smooth, but not too dry.
London Pride	Fuller’s	4.7%	Brewed with a rich, distinctive base of British malt and a diverse blend of target, goldings, challenger & northdown hops for vibrancy and balance. The essence of our Capital City and the people who call it home.
Black Sheep IPA	Black Sheep	4.6%	Brewed using a blend of three new world hops; Simcoe, Citra and Columbus, Black Sheep IPA is a ferocious and hop-dominant pint with fragrant notes of tropical fruits and citrus. The pale malt blend provides a light and gentle base that allows the hops to sing on the palate and showcase their plethora of fruity and piney features. A sharp spike of hop bitterness works beautifully with the malt to leave a crisp and refreshing finish.

The winner by quite some margin was “Black Fox Porter”, a beer that truly lived up to its “chocolate and liquorice flavours” reputation and was Paula Keenan’s choice – well played, that Hurler!

 

It was a mellow vibe to this year’s alternative to Hookey and a good time was had by all. Luckily or unfortunately (take your pick), the “Swedish wife swap stick game” or “Agnetha, where’s my keys to the Saab?” game was cancelled, as Pedz has the full SWS© kit and the handsomely hand tooled fondue set that is its centrepiece. As in so many areas, Pedz, the spiritual father of the Hurlers – the “odd socked Kierkegaard of Greater Manchester” was sorely missed, if only for the wit, insight and camping equipment/sports gear, that he brings to such proceedings. “Next year in Stockholm…” as we say in my local Ikea….

 

The Pyramid - After virtual manufacturing, virtual sex and other such modern new-fangled things - the Virtual Pyramid

NB: Use of chairs & other marital aids….

 

I’m a Firestarter, twisted Firestarter….

After consuming a large quantity of beer and Gibbo having assumed the mantle of Peter “the Cat” Bonneti in goal – good job, Gibbo, Les was the Sir Les Ferdinand on the pitch itself showing the silky skills of a young Steve Bland. So, what would any sensible very drunk adult do next –yes – start the largest fire west of California – luckily, a team of firefighters were on stand–by.

 

The Aftermath

 

On Sunday morning, Gibbo made a new friend in Brodie, a brown and black British Bulldog that was being boarded at Hibbo’s. Brodie decided to try and eat (or mate) with one of Gibbo’s expensive walking trainers and a Carry on type chase ensued – just imagine “Yakkety Sax”, the Benny Hill chase music as the soundtrack, thankfully Gibbo eventually got his trainer and dignity back. What can we say about our host, generous and kind with a lovely home and a wonderful family – all I can say is if the Hurlers does one of those “Life Swap buddy” film comedies, where the stoner loser swaps his life with his successful friend and usually starring Jason Bateman and Seth Rogan and set in Boston (can I be the “Seth” to Andy’s “Jace”). He was the most attentive of hosts and great fun to be with. As we said several times over the last few days, we should really have more meet ups like this as we are all getting older – thank you, my old friend and our collective best wishes to all of the Hibbitt clan.

Jason Bateman in “The Railway Tram” enjoying a quiet pint and social distancing “mosh pitting”.

 

Next year in Hookey (or “Hookey 2021”, as it’s started to be called, those modern bloggers and their fancy ways), the suggested themes for the Hurlers’ “comeback” tour, so far, are:

• “Reservoir Dogs”,
•  Ol’ Red Eyes is back,
• Swedish Games and Leisurewear (‘72-78 – platform shoes/loon pants optional),
• “The Sons of Lee Marvin”,
• French Philosophers from Rousseau to Derrida,
• Modern English Poetry,
• The “Survivors Ball”(a Warwick homage),
• Spinal Tap Tribute Act
• “Avoiding Cougar attack” – a short optional seminar by R Gibson (Zoom facilities are available)
• Postmodern Cultural Marxism in a modern setting and
• 1940s Hollywood Noir Films – Bogart et al (again trench-type raincoat optional).

Voting will be in the usual way – a modified STV system with our much missed skipper, Priesty, making the final call.

 

Love, peace and light to all and all joking/bantering aside: We all hope you are all keeping well and some of our absent friends and their families are in our daily thoughts, hopes and prayers.

To quote Roger McGough (yes – I know he’s a scouser, but I like him - GD) -  

 

“When all is said and done, there’s nothing more to say and nothing more to do.”