2010 - The UnFestival

At technical conferences like Oracle OpenWorld, it has become fashionable to run 'Unconferences' where people stand up and talk about the detailed innards of the Oracle log buffer mechanism. A deliberate contrast from corporate marketing and death by Powerpoint.

Due to a late breaking family commitment, I was forced to attend Hook Norton on Thursday and Friday this year. This had the benefit of missing the crowds but the minor disadvantage of missing the actual beer festival on Saturday.

I checked in to the Bed & Breakfast above the Pear Tree which comes highly recommended - free WiFi, colour TV, shower, toilet and excellent full English breakfast and all possible flavours of Hook until you choose to turn in - around 9pm in my case.

On Friday, I was joined by Steve, his lad Tom (making his Hookie debut) and Peter. Wheeldon appeared with surprise guest Thompson and Bill glided in from somewhere towing an expensive caravan, he'd acquired from Keenan. Canny Scot Bill managed to negotiate a discount for the odd odour emanating from the chemical toilet.

I managed to escape helping Steve's gang erect their deluxe awning by telling my mate, Allan the landlord, that I'd gone for a 18 mile country walk to Banbury whereas in truth I was watching the golf upstairs in my penthouse suite.

Thompson explained his 12 year absence by telling us he'd been busy trying to secure the title of 'Professor' and failing; he's still just a 'Senior Lecturer' at Oxford University stuggling to solve the external GHS conundrum: 'Why the fuck did we all go to Stevenage ?'

Steve had brought lots of food - well bread, peanut butter and bananas. This was bad news for Tom who doesn't like bananas or peanut butter.

Had a couple in the Pear Tree, played Aunt Sally in The Bell where, inevitably, we were accosted by locals who threw one stick, missed and promptly diaappeared without even standing their round.

On to the Sun for another pint and back to The Pear Tree where the stalwarts cranked out of version of the Socialist anthem 'The Rights of Man' before a local advised us that the loud volume might prejudice any potential 'lock-in' so we all adjourned to Steve's VM Dormobile which, inevitably, is pale blue.

Steve got out his acoustic guitar. Young Tom turned rather green but thankfully recovered to produce a moving cover version of Nirvana's 'Come As You Are'.

The next morning dawned sunny and bright. The Hook Norton Festival of Fine Ales was now just hours away. A year of waiting and expectation was finally over.

Let the laughter begin.

And that's when I had to leave.